Monday, January 25, 2010

The Postulate of LipsAreDisgusting

I don't understand how lips have become a symbol of beauty. It's just a slimy, swollen orifice. I can't help but think of other parts of the body that function similarly, in a backwards sort of way, and think ", Holy Batmobile, I don't want that on my face."

Demystifying them makes them easier to draw, though. It's like looking at Tyra Banks without make-up for the first time. (For those of you like me, Tyra Banks is... well hell, I don't know what she's around for either. Nevermind.)

It's story time with your Auntie Alfi!
(Old school, because my tablet's being nasty to me today.)

Once upon a time, in my head, the mouth was just like any other part of the face, except stretched over this cone shape made by the teeth.

One day, the Magic Mouth Gnome came with his Magic Machete...

...and cut a gash through the fat and muscle for us to shove food through.

Unfortunately, the Mouth Gnome forgot to clean inbetween people, and so the wounds got infected. That's why our lips are still poofy and pinky and wrinkled and gross.

The end.

The moral is that lips are only bent up planes and not to be feared.

Join us next time when Auntie Alfi tells her findings on the planes of the upper lip and lower nose.


  1. But... but what about pretty lips? Surely there are some...

  2. I think they can be both disgusting and pretty.

    Hooray indeed Monty my love!